Photography 101, Explained in Food

More and more people I know are getting into picture taking. I say "picture taking" as it's the best way i can describe photography for beginners who don't take pics for the sake of documenting a moment, but who instead capture what the subject of the picture represents. The introduction of the Canon T2i in 2009 and drops of DSLR prices have everyone running around the zoo, a wedding, and artist galleries with something bigger than a point-and-shoot. But those I've talked to still have yet to read the manual or websites on photography, but ask me instead on how to take a good pic.

 I don't consider myself a photographer just yet. I just like taking really good pictures. the moment i can sell one of my pics, i'll call myself one. But back to explaining to people how to take a good picture. To start, i tell them i love food. and my best analogy of course, compares a great picture to food. I do not intend on offending anyone, so don't take it personally. So here it goes...



 Fast Food - Cell Phone Photography

 
What is fast food? it's something you eat when you feel hungry and cheap. You want to fill your belly and satisfy cravings without taking the time. To me, cell phone pics are fast food. It's quick, fast, and gets the job done. It may not give you the best picture, but it captures the moment. Done and over with. Onto the next thing. Don't have that much cash on you? Digging the couch for spare change to get a McDouble? Only have a buck or two in your back pocket? That's what taking a pic w/ a cell phone is. Whatever you have on hand to get the job done. Some shots turn out amazing, and those would be like Carl's Jr. $6 burgers or a McCafe tiramisu. Fancy, fast, replicating what you would get at a higher end restaurant but without the price.





"Well, i have this app on my phone that lets me do HDR and panoramic and red velvet cupcake filter and unicorn puppies....". Apps are what i would consider condiments. Applications, utilities, widgets, same thing. It is the ketchup, relish, mustard, BBQ, sweet & sour, sriracha, whatever you add to your fast food meal. It brings out the flavor of your photo, but only because your original photo lacks flavor. Or, if you love really spicy or salty foods, it polarizes one or two key points of that photo. But in the end, a hot dog w/ caviar is still a hot dog. Yes, Pinks. i'm talking about your salty shit. Pinks = Instagram. There, i said it.

Aperture - The Plate That Can Break

If the perfect photo is a meal that gets you full, then aperture is your plate. At a buffet. A Vegas buffet. With duck and prime rib. Aperture is the f-stop on your lens, and the smaller the # the bigger the plate. Light is your food, and you want as much as possible. When you take a pic of the night sky, you want to absorb as much light as possible. Lower f-stop (i.e. f/1.4 or f.2) , more light goes into your lens, better a photo turns out in low-light. However, when you try taking a pic w/ such a low f-stop in daylight, your photo gets washed out. Think of this as breaking the plate of food b/c you put WAY too much on it. With that said, a larger f-stop means a smaller plate. Less light, but your plate won't break and everyone at fresh choice looks at you.

Aperture also plays a double-edged sword as the smaller it is, the less you focus on the background of your shot. (I don't like calling it bokeh, b/c it sounds like something i'd call my dog.) The larger it is, the more you get of the background. You no longer focus on one particular point in a photos, but rather capture what is around it. This is what dividers are for on your plate. You can now separate your portions even more, keep the sauces and foods from touching each other and mixing. However, the larger your aperture/plate, the less light it takes in. Keeping w/ light being your food, your portions get smaller and smaller. The buffet is no longer self served, and you are allowed only on serving per item. However, you get to try more things in hopes of finding that one dish you want to eat more of. Once you find it, crank your f-stop to a salad bowl and pile on your food of choice.

Shutter Speed - Don't Eat TOO Fast
So you've gotten your plate of food. It looks so good, but there was food you weren't able to try the first pass around the buffet. You can eat as fast as possible to get to the next trip down Fat Blvd, or you can savor your food. The speed you eat is what i consider shutter speed. I prefer shutter speed as a personal preference, but you can read more on why here. If you eat slowly, you get to savor each dish, let each taste bud work and have the brain absorb as much as possible. You will enjoy things that normally couldn't be tasted if you just gulped it  down. Same goes for photography; slowing your shutter speed down to 1/5 or even 1" yields pretty crazy shots. Long exposure photography w/ light streaks, stars shining as bright as the cacti at 2am in the desert, the hidden cat you did not see waiting to pounce on the mouse. The slower you eat, the more you relish what your brain processes.

Conversely, there's high shutter speed. The buffet is closing in 10min. You have only tried the veal, the rabbit, the skirt steak, and the blood sausage at Fogo de Chao. There's still the filet mignon,  bacon wrapped chicken,  garlic sirloin, prime rib, and pork chop to try. Time to finish your plate and go for the next one because time is running out! Eat fast and try everything is the name of the game for shutter speed. Try taking a pic of a happy baby, the puppy that keeps dashing around, a pitcher throwing a baseball with a slow shutter speed. Everything is just a blur (which if that's your intention of the shot, continue no further). Dial up your shutter speed to 1/100 or even 1/1000 to make sure you can capture the image. Some things only happen once, so might as well shoot from the hip and apply accuracy by volume. Eat as much as you can, as fast as you can, and at some point when you're stuffing your face and forgetting your manners, you'll discover that one perfect flavor, the one moment of bliss.


ISO - Pink Slime vs Wangu Steak
By now, you've picked your plate and determined how fast you need to eat to move on. But you look at your plate and see that the meat is overcooked, the broccoli is yellow and mushy, and that there's a hair a BIT too curly to be acceptable. But hey, you're hungry right? That's what ISO is. ISO is the quality of what you're eating, and what you're willing to sacrifice to fulfill your gluttony. ISO and aperture go hand in hand as well; you can have a small plate (large f-stop/aperture) full of crap (high ISO) and still get full, or you can get a pizza dish (small f-stop/aperture) with quality food (low ISO). Think of the former as Hometown Buffet and the latter as the Bellagio. Remember, you picked the buffet - quality and plate size go hand in hand. You won't find shark fin soup at a Sizzler's, but you will get full from fried shrimp that has been cooked in 5-day old oil.

Having a high ISO is also sorta like stacking your food. After all, how are you gonna get full if you have a small plate? Remember there's always a z-axis when at a buffet. And if light is food and ISO is stacking, that means a higher ISO is going to allow more light into your picture. But stack too high, and the manager of Fresh Choice is going to warn you a 2nd time. It's embarrassing to break your plate AND have your chinese chicken salad topple all over the open soup wells. High ISO (in entry technical terms) introduces a lot of noise into your photos. Noise is like the stars you see after you get hit in the head. You wanna see stars, but you don't want to make them yourself. Low ISO (high quality food) has much less noise and is the most desirable. However, there's always a fine balance of all that you do. Life is not a straight shot, but a mix and match of the best and worst, finding a balance, and not breaking your bank or praying to the porcelain god.

Exposure - The Real Condiments

Salt makes it saltier, pepper makes it hotter. Exposure is pretty plain and simple. If you see stormclouds on a sunny day, taking a picture with zero exposure won't capture the robustness of clouds. Decreasing the exposure brings out the detail of the clouds, the blueness of the sky, the darkness that comes with rain. There are few foods that have just enough flavor to your liking. Some foods are cooked without flavor so you can add your own. Just don't add too much salt, because now you've turned a rattlesnake & rabbit sausage from Wurstkutche into a Pink's hot dog. FAIL.

Combining Everything - The Perfect Meal
So after all that work, all your years of experiences of going to restaurants and buffets, the times you ate too much too fast and puked it all out, that one time you swapped sugar with salt and your friend blew out his supposedly-sweetened coffee from his nose, you are finally ready to have a good meal after a long long week.. Unfortunately, you are not made of money. Hence, you have to choose how to get full. Should I take advantage of Lent and stack up on Filet-o-Fishes? Or maybe splurge and goto a fancy French restaurant that will ultimately end up with a Filet-o-Fish as a chaser at the end of the night? Maybe you just want to eat and sample everything. Every day is a different meal, a different occasion, a different budget. Here are some pics to best describe what I was thinking if i was "eating".

F-stop: f/3.5
Exposure Time:1/1250 sec
ISO:100
Exp Bias: -0.7 step
Focal Length: 70mm


Jets fly fast. Jets are like 151. You can't just sip that shit. But 151 is high quality stuff as well. So drink it fast, but be satisfied that you just drank some expensive stuff (in college terms).

F-stop: f/3.5
Exposure Time:1.6 sec
ISO:100
Exp Bias: -0.0 step
Focal Length: 18mm
An iconic city skyline. Something you don't just chew and swallow, then move on. It's night time, so time to savor your food. Savor it without salt or pepper, b/c you're eating some of the highest quality sushi. Take it as you are served, no more, no less. Jiro will give you a flat look, and you shall nod with approval.

F-stop: f/3.5
Exposure Time: ??? Cell Phone 
ISO:146
Exp Bias: ??? Cell Phone
Focal Length: 4mm
Wow, you just came back from one party, two after parties, and you are FAMISHED. white castle? don't mind if i do! What? you say it's not real meat? I don't care, as long as i'm full. To hell with the burning sensation the next morning when nature calls. Pile on the hot sauce!

F-stop: f/2.8
Exposure Time:1/13 sec
ISO:6400
Exp Bias: -0.0 step
Focal Length: 35mm
You just made it out of Death Valley. Haven't eaten for five days. Luckily a chicken truck finds you and drops you off at a nearby diner. Order a ton of fried chicken. Oh, what's that in the batter? A fly that seems to of hanged itself with someone's hair? Phuc dat. I'm starving!

So there you have it. Different pics with different effects. In the end, everything comes out brown. But what goes in the mouth has a lot of weight on what you eat in the future. Mix and match, and before you know it, you'll start cooking at home! It's at that point that you can call yourself a photographer. And not go broke from DineLA. Just do everyone a favor and get that camera off AUTO. It's like having your mom feed you with a spoon. While making airplane noises. And a very erratic flight path.

In public.